


Save Me With Your Kiss

by QueerCanary (queercanary)



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: 1x8, Angst, Emotional, F/F, Fluffy Ending, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:21:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24443506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queercanary/pseuds/QueerCanary
Summary: Ever since returning from the Lazarus Pit, Sara has been struggling with her emotions. A mission to track Savage in small town 1950's brings her face to face with her loneliness in the form of a beautiful, and equally lonely nurse.(This is basically a Sara Lance write from 1x8 and I don't know how to summarize that)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	Save Me With Your Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> Sara mentioned the nurse being her first kiss since being resurrected and I can't just leave that hanging in the air now can I?
> 
> I'm not good at writing Stein (Im so sorry) but I have emotions about their dynamic and its 999999% speculative.

Sara loved to have fun. She had always been rambunctious and reckless, her parents’ own walking, talking headache. Flirting around with all the bad boys, the kind that fathers who were cops threatened with their guns. Always getting into trouble.

Trouble like the Gambit. She’d changed a lot since the Gambit went down. She had changed even more since coming back to life out of the Lazarus Pit. Since then, even after she got her soul back, she still felt… different. Not just the insatiable killer part—every emotion inside her felt dull. Sara almost felt like she was in high school again, doing reckless things for a cheap thrill, for the sake of feeling something. For the sake of deluding herself that she wasn’t as scary as she knew she was. Sara always aimed to have fun. What else did she have now?

Drinking and dancing and flirting was fun. That first mission, when she had taken Rory and Snart to the bar, was _fun._ It was fun starting that barfight by flirting with that biker’s girlfriend. But it was all a game. Flirting could never lead to anything for her anymore. So she might as well be as outrageous as possible and laugh at whatever happened.

Acting outrageous was fun but it also accomplished a desirable secondary goal: pushing everyone away.

She’d left behind Oliver and everyone on that team ages ago. She’d violently shoved Nyssa out of her life. She’d roamed the world aimlessly, never staying anywhere long enough to know, or care about, anybody. And as far as Rip and this team was concerned, she was a tool to help progress the mission.

And she had to keep the mission in mind. The replicated nurses’ whites scratched against her skin, irritating her. Stein’s nagging irritated her. _Go get those files for me, nurse._ Sara rolled her eyes again as she flipped through manila folders, searching for clues.

She sensed that Stein was still indignant with her for flirting with the younger version of him. Or maybe he was angry at her for knocking younger-him out with a bong. Or maybe for getting incredibly high from younger-his weed during a mission. 

Either way, that was another one down. Ray should be mad at her. She always stood toe to toe with Rip, challenging and pushing his authority. Rory wasn’t in the equation anymore. All she had to do with Snart was continue brushing him off, which wasn’t a problem. Kendra had grown close, but as only the most casual of friendships, attached to sparring: the kind of friendship you can tell the other party that you found a new gym to workout at and you would be sad to let them go but in the end it would not really matter because people move on. And now Stein looked down on her.

Leaving the team in a few weeks, after they stopped Savage, would be a piece of cake. Form no attachments, keep moving.

҉

There was one thing that made time travel nearly unbearable; or at least, time travel with Stein. To him, everything was astonishing, the world and all it had to offer was fascinating and lovely.

He’d found this time period endearing. Sara didn’t see it: as a fiercely independent bisexual ‘career’ woman, the time period and its facades made her nauseous.

He called it ‘idyllic’. She considered it a nightmare. Stein called her ‘jaded’. Sara preferred ‘realistic’.

And the man leaning over a helpless nurse personified Sara’s distaste. Sara didn’t like racists. She didn’t like misogynists. She didn’t like creeps. And small town 1950’s was filled with those.

Her mission when she’d first returned to Star City as the Black Canary had been rescuing women from racist, misogynist, sexist creeps. Like the doctors who solicited sexual favors from nurses. Like the doctor that was doing that right now. She casually noticed it was the same doctor who had hired them earlier, eyeing her lasciviously when Stein had advocated for her position alongside him.

Sara couldn’t stand by and watch the nurse squirm under his pressured gaze. But she also couldn’t beat the shit out of him, like she wanted to. So she settled with a filing cabinet to his backside, jolting him out of his perceived conquest.

The nurse smiled gratefully at Sara and Sara grinned back, showing her support for the stranger.

“Thank you.” The woman stood. “I’m… pretty much the only nurse who says no to the doctors here. The other nurses are trying to get married, so they always say yes to them.”

“But you’re not? Trying to get married.” Sara straightened the stack of files in her arms, eyeing the name badge. _Carlisle._

“No. I’m… not really looking for a husband.” The nurse responded sheepishly.

Sara grinned. She could tell that the nurse was evading the issue and that she was grateful for Sara’s interference. “Its my first day. Care to show the new girl around?”

҉

Even though Sara was putting on a front, only pretending to be a nurse, she felt comfortable socializing with the woman. It felt easy to giggle mischievously with Carlisle, and she responded openly with warmth. Not many people in Sara’s life did. It felt easy to slip into this other skin, this other identity. Here, with this woman, pretending to be normal, going through the simple motions of a casual workday.

Despite the time-traveling pretenses for her being there, Sara was able to slip away from the parts of herself she felt so trapped with on the Waverider.

Here, she was just the new, charming nurse laughing along with a coworker.

҉

Sara found something about the nurse compelling. She was in the middle of a mission—she should have made an excuse and kept shuffling through Savage’s office. But she found herself grinning at Carlisle when caught snooping, then following her, then drinking alcohol out of paper cups with her. They traded grins and Sara told cryptic half-stories of the places she had been.

Sara felt herself flirting. With a sexually repressed nurse during a sexually repressive time in an insane asylum while on a mission. Yet she found she couldn’t help herself.

It felt easy to talk to her. And apparently the nurse felt the same way, charmed by Sara. She confessed, “I did… kiss a girl once.”

Sara grinned, reassuring the nurse that she wouldn’t tell. Ok, and maybe she was flirting a little bit too.

“I didn’t think that made me…” Carlisle trailed off anxiously.

“A Lesbian?” Sara grinned. “Its not a bad word.”

The nurse shook her head sadly. “Well, it is around here.”

Sara felt sadness for the woman rising in her chest. Sara was self-conscious about many things, but her sexuality wasn’t one of them. For this, she was grateful, that she could just be herself. Carlisle couldn’t. This was something that Stein would never, could never, understand. Being forced to hide such an important part of yourself.

History sucked sometimes.

҉

Stein cleared his throat, interrupting the women, breaking their gazes and their grins. “Miss Lance. I need to speak with you.”

Sara sighed under her breath before downing the last paper-cup shot of alcohol to fortify herself. Stein didn’t seem to approve of her or her actions and she was not in the mood to deal with his disapproval.

“Now I understand what’s been going on. While I’ve been working, you’ve been seducing that young woman.” Stein accused.

“Actually, I was liberating her.” Sara met Stein’s gaze to prove her point before deciding to poke at him with a grin. “With the option to seduce her later.”

“Then what?” Stein demanded. “You leave this poor young woman behind in the sexually oppressive 1950’s?”

“You have no idea.” Sara replied hostilely. “That woman deserves to have peace with herself. To know, in her heart, who she is. Even if nobody else around her can know. She would be more miserable having never truly understood herself, living every day asking herself what was wrong with her.”

“This is knowledge she would have never ordinarily obtained on her own! If anything, you’ve simply compounded her suffering by teasing her with something she can never have.”

There was that word: teasing. Sara fought back a sigh and couldn’t entirely hide the venom from her voice. “You know what, doc? I would love for someone from the future to drop into my life right now and tell me that my future is going to be better.”

҉

That was what Sara desperately wanted, she realized later. For someone to drop from the sky, say they were from the future, and promise her that things were going to get better for her. Sara didn’t know how they could possibly get better: she felt like she was at a dead-end in the maze of life, that there was no forwards. At least, not for her.

She wanted things to get better, someone to swoop in and rescue her from herself. To tell her that one day, this horrible feeling was going to go away. That she would be able to settle in one place again without being terrified for everyone around her. That she would find people who wanted her. That she would find love.

Sara realized with a jolt that she was projecting. She desperately wanted to believe that this girl could find love despite all the odds. That this innocent, kind, loving, and wonderful woman could find someone to love her. Because if Carlisle didn’t, what chance in hell did Sara have?

Damn, maybe _she_ had been seduced.

҉

A part of Sara didn’t want to face the nurse again. The more she thought about it, the guiltier she felt. She wanted to run. She leaned up against the desk and decided to make pleasant conversation instead.

“Don’t you ever get freaked out, being in an insane asylum all by yourself at night?”

The nurse grinned and Sara found herself smiling back. “Freaked out? No. Lonely? Yes.” Sara’s intense gaze made the nurse sheepishly lower her own eyes for a moment. “I guess I am scared of one place.”

“The restricted wing.”

The nurse nodded. “I don’t know what Dr. Knox is doing down there. I… don’t like to think about it.”

“What do you like to think about?” Sara asked. She mentally kicked herself. It was a fishing line for a compliment, a clever flirt, nudging the nurse in the right direction. Or the wrong direction.

Whatever sheepish grin or timid compliment Sara might have expected, she was not prepared for the kiss the nurse planted on her lips.

Sara’s mind went blank and she felt herself sinking into the contact for a split second before wrenching herself away. She immediately felt the ache of loss, of wanting to sink into that connection. But she knew she couldn’t.

҉

Sara cringed at herself. That’s what she had wanted, deep down, hadn’t she? She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, cursing at herself. Normally, this was a coy game Sara played to have fun, shake things up a bit. But here, in the 1950’s, with this innocent woman who had the rest of her life to live here? It hadn’t been a game and Sara should have realized that earlier.

She’d been cocky. She shouldn’t have walked into the office, shouldn’t have leaned against the desk, should have made that stupid comment.

She shouldn’t be doing any of this.

Yet she could feel an ache deep in her soul. A desire to be kissed, even to simply be held. To belong to someone. To belong to somewhere.

҉

Sara could still feel the pressure of the contact on her lips hours later. She could still feel the anxiety. She knew Stein was going to bring it up later. And what was she supposed to say? Listen, you were right and I continue to screw up the lives of everyone around me?

She could practically hear his smug tone and dreaded walking into the medical bay: she was pretty sure he was going to dig right into her soft spot.

Why had she let herself get a soft spot?

Regardless of how she felt, they had a mission. Sara took a deep breath before walking into the infirmary and found herself wanting another paper cup shot.

“We need to get ready to back Kendra. She’s going into the asylum.”

Stein didn’t hesitate, “Not to mention another opportunity to see Nurse Carlisle.”

Sara sighed and prepared herself. “Yeah, and apologize.” She groaned, mentally kicking herself again. Why was she even talking to Stein about any of this? She should have just grinned and walked away coyly.

Sara did not do feelings. Yet here she was.

She slowly trudged away, unable to meet Stein’s eyes.

“I warned you, miss Lance. Rushing a repressed woman from the 1950’s into the free-wheeling sexual morays of the 21st century…” Sara closed her eyes before gently sitting on the edge of the cot, facing Stein again.

“Actually, I was the one who freaked out.” Sara admitted, it finally being her turn to act sheepish. She wanted to stop talking; she was showcasing how weak she really felt. She didn’t want to be weak, especially not in front of Stein. If she had to talk, she wished it was at least with Kendra while taking a water break during training. She felt so vulnerable, sitting on the edge of the bed, talking about feelings that Stein had seemed to disapprove of.

“Oh.” Stein seemed to be at a loss for words. He felt like he didn’t know who he was talking to: the Sara he had seemed to have been interreacting with since starting this adventure had always been cocky and flirty, flaunting herself. Doubt had never seemed to creep into her before. He noticed that her stance was defensive, arms locked protectively across her chest.

“Ever since I… got brought back to life I haven’t really… experienced much in the way of feelings… and then… she kissed me…” Sara fumbled with the words.

“And it was like being kissed for the first time.” Stein responded. “How romantic.”

“More like terrifying.” Sara found it in herself to meet the older mans gaze for the first time in the conversation. “I’m… not the same person I was. Before I died. I was dead and my soul was… hurting and I was hurting. I was so, so alone. I was brought back and lingered for days before I got my soul back.”

Sara paused almost sheepishly. Stein couldn’t imagine what she must be dealing with. And he also couldn’t imagine what it was taking her to open up like this. He stayed quiet.

“I didn’t know I could still have those feelings. The good feelings I mean.” She sighed again, staring back down at the floor. “I thought I could only feel the rage and the anger and the fear and the hatred. I didn’t think I was capable of feeling… like a had a crush on someone again. Like someone would have a crush on me again.”

Stein and Sara existed in pure silence for a few heartbeats. “That’s the thing that sucks about feelings, is that you realize how much you can hurt someone. Or… get hurt.”

Stein opened his mouth to respond, to try to comfort Sara in some way, but she just shook her head as if she were clearing her mind before standing and striding away, holding herself rigid again.

҉

Sara knew she had to say goodbye to the nurse. She couldn’t just swoop in with her staff, rescue her from the blue bird creatures, and then run away like a coward. She also had to apologize for running away from her kiss.

“Hey.” Sara leaned in the doorway.

The nurse looked up. “The patients from the restricted ward are doing a lot better. Whatever that doctor gave them must be working. They’re returning to normal.”

Sara nodded and approached slowly. “And you?”

“I… don’t think I’ll ever be normal again.”

“Good.” Sara grinned before leaning in for a kiss. She leaned into the sensation, her hands gently resting on either side of the nurses’ face, a thumb gently and briefly caressing her jawline. She had to tear herself away from the gentle embrace.

“Thank you. For rescuing me.” The nurse mumbled, gaze flickering down to Sara’s grin.

Sara’s heart ached. She was leaving behind this woman in the 1950’s, where she was likely doomed to loneliness for at least the next few decades. But Sara was also leaving for the Waverider. Back to being alone, feigning confidence and independence. Back to not having feelings.

Then, when the mission was over, back to where? Tibet, where Rip had kidnapped her? Some other random location on the map, selected by virtue of blindfolded knife throw?

Right now, that didn’t seem to matter. Sara had just had her first kiss. She grinned. “You saved me first.”


End file.
